Tunnel Vision
by natasha0
Summary: Ever wonder how Logan found out Lilly died? Me too, so I wrote it.


Veronica jumps up from her crouch, takes one last look at Duncan—catatonic and rocking slightly on the bench—and runs outside towards the voices by the pool, her Uggs slapping against the marble in the hall. She's completely confused and more than a little terrified.

_What could possibly have happened that made Duncan go all Rain Man? Did something happen to Celeste, or maybe Mr. Kane? _

Lilly. She needs to find Lilly.

As she approaches the wall of glass that leads to the back patio, Veronica sees a small group of people looking at something on the ground. Her dad is kneeling down on one knee, outstretching his hand briefly before pulling back sharply, as if he's suddenly come to himself. She searches the crowd for Lilly, knowing she would know what was going on. Veronica can't see her. _Where is she, dammit?_

She does see Celeste sobbing, though, Jake holding her upright.

_So it's not the Kanes then. But the Ice Queen is crying? The hell?_

Veronica moves quickly through the door and across the flagstones until she can see the body lying on the ground. She stops abruptly just behind her dad.

The air is sucked out of her as the world around her immediately narrows to a tunnel. She can barely breathe.

"Oh my God!"

Veronica's hand flies to her mouth to hold in the sob, the bile, the scream, all fighting to escape at once. Keith jumps up at the sound of her approach trying to block her view, desperate to protect his little girl from facing this for a few more seconds. His arms go around her and he shoves her back, turning her so that she can no longer see the horror by the pool.

Veronica moans, mouth gaping, her muted wail barely audible over the ocean breeze. The pain is magnified by the silence of the sound, as though the cry has collapsed under the weight of it. Veronica begins to shake in Keith's arms; all that she can see at the other end of the tunnel is her father's mouth moving. She can barely hear him over the thrum of the blood pounding in her ears.

"Veronica, listen to me." Keith's head comes down to force Veronica's stricken gaze to meet his eyes. "Focus on me, sweetheart. That's it. I need you to breathe, Veronica. In, two, three. Out, two, three. Again."

Slowly, Veronica comes back to herself, and she looks pleadingly at her father. "Daddy? Is Lilly—is she—?"

Keith hugs Veronica to himself tightly. "I'm so sorry, honey."

Her entire world cracks in two. "I don't understand. How? What—?" Fresh tears start down her cheeks, and hysteria enters her voice; she's fidgeting uncontrollably.

Sharply in his best Sheriff voice, Keith grabs both her shoulders and barks, "Veronica!"

The frenzy disappears from her countenance, replaced by heartbroken sobs. Keith clutches her and looks around, his mind working furiously as he tries to figure out how to handle this situation. He can't leave the scene, but clearly Veronica can't stay here either. He sees Sacks nearby. He must have been the responding officer, since Keith was off duty when he heard the call come over the radio. "Sacks!"

The deputy comes running over. "Sheriff?"

"I need you to get Veronica out of here."

"Umm…sure, Keith, I'll take her home. I should be back in about twenty. I already called it in. The coroner is on his way and some of the others should be here in a few minutes for crowd control."

Sacks reaches for Veronica but jumps back when Keith exclaims, "No! Not home!" Lianne had already been passed out in bed before they'd left to get dinner. Veronica couldn't go home to an effectively empty house. _But where_—_?_ Keith mentally runs through a list of her friends, coming up short. He can't seem to remember the name of any girl that Veronica is close to. _Except Lilly. God, not Lilly_—_! _

"Take her to the Echolls' house. It's just a few streets over. Tell them what happened and ask them to keep her while I deal with this here." Sacks gently reaches for Veronica again and a thought suddenly occurs to Keith. He looks nauseated, but he has no other options at the moment. "Sacks!" Sacks turns his head, his hands under Veronica's elbows holding her up as he starts to lead her back through the house to the squad car. "Logan was Lilly's boyfriend. Be…gentle when you tell them."

"Will do, Sheriff." Sacks turns and leads Veronica away.

* * *

Veronica's tunnel vision is back, focusing on specific details like the finger currently pushing the Echolls' doorbell. The finger is rough and tan, distinctly male. The nail is cracked and peeling at the tip, the cuticles have been bitten away. It's in desperate need of a manicure. Seemingly without transition, her focus becomes auditory and moves to the ringing of the doorbell. It is a gong-type sound in that fancy chiming rhythm she's heard a million times before. She feels it echo inside her hollow chest, involuntarily anticipating the next note. With the new bat-like hearing she seems to have acquired, Veronica can make out the deep breath Sacks takes in preparation for the conversation he is about to have. The tip of his right steel-toed boot is tapping lightly on the paving stones. Zip! Her focus shifts from the audio to the tactile - the feel of the fingers of his left hand gripping her shoulder. He's squeezing so firmly that she thinks that it should hurt, but all she can feel is the individual line of each fingerprint bruising her skin. Zip! Her dry mouth coated in cotton. Zip! From tactile back to visual - movement behind the frosted glass in the door. Zip! The surprise on Mr. Echolls' face when he sees first the deputy and then Veronica

"Deputy!" Mr. Echolls glances quickly behind him as he pulls the door open wider and then looks at Sacks, frowning. "What's Logan done now? He scared his mother half to death, disappearing overnight without telling us where he was. Don't tell me I'm going to have to dole out another punishment tonight." He looks over at Veronica, scanning upward from her calf high boots and short shorts, then pausing at her tight T-shirt, absently wetting his lips, before finally settling on her tear-streaked face. The shock of seeing her crying wipes the leer from his eyes, replacing it smoothly with fatherly concern. "Veronica, what's wrong?"

Sacks speaks up quickly, sparing Veronica from answering. "Mr. Echolls, Sheriff Mars asked me to bring Veronica over. Do you think she could stay here for a little while? If you don't mind, I'd like to come inside and explain. Is Logan here?"

Veronica watches as an appropriate look of confusion mingles with the concern. Somewhere in the back of her brain behind the hazy buzzing, a stray thought breaks through the white noise that Mr. Echolls is running through his actor's toolbox of emotional reactions, pulling out the correct mask after each revelation in the conversation. She never did think that he was particularly talented, and watching him now hasn't changed her opinion. But then the ghost thought is gone again, and the buzzing takes over, effectively drowning out Mr. Echolls' reply.

Sacks pushes lightly on her shoulder, propelling her through the door into the foyer. She can see their lips moving, but can't focus past the buzzing to hear what they're saying. Sacks shakes her gently and she turns to him, focusing on the words his lips are forming. _Pool house_. She nods absently and moves toward the backyard.

Veronica turns the corner of the hall and the tunnel expands again when she bumps into something. "Veronica! Lovely to see you!" Lynn gives her a slightly uncoordinated hug and starts babbling a little too jovially, not really looking at her. "Logan's out there playing those video games of his. He's been there all evening because Aaron has grounded him; that silly boy. You would never go to Mexico without telling your mother where you were, would you? Of course not! You're such a good child; wonderful influence on Logan and Lilly. Never get into trouble."

At the mention of Lilly, Veronica shudders out another sob, but Lynn has already begun to walk away mid-ramble and doesn't notice. Veronica stumbles the rest of the way to the pool house and stops at the door, clinging to the frame with both hands to hold herself up.

Logan is sitting straight-backed on a bar stool in front of the king sized bed. Only his fingers are moving as he pushes the correct combinations of buttons to direct the character on the too-large TV to pull off the head off its opponent. He stiffly reaches for a crystal glass full of whiskey and flinches slightly. Veronica's eyes are too blurred to notice. He catches a glimpse of her out of the corner of his eye but doesn't turn around.

"Are you here to twist the knife that you've already stabbed in my back a little deeper?" he asks bitterly, clearly trying to pick a fight.

Uncomprehending, Veronica's blank eyes stare at his back and she doesn't answer.

"Or maybe Lilly sent you to see if I'm wallowing properly now that I've finally cut the cord with her? Did you guys have a good laugh over the letter? Huh? Run along, Ronnie. Be a good little stool pigeon and tell her how many girls I'm not kissing tonight. Home alone on a Saturday night. That ought to thrill her to pieces." Logan's voice is dripping with acid, trying to force a reaction from her. He refuses to turn around though, afraid she'll be able to tell that he's secretly hoping she's come both to check on him for Lilly and to make things right between them again. He's missed her and Lilly. His girls.

Again, silence.

Veronica simply stares at him, unable to unravel his sarcastic words into some semblance of sense in her mind. The only word that penetrates the fog is _Lilly_. Delirious laughter bubbles harshly out of her into the silence. Logan's head snaps towards her; he's never heard her make that sound before and it's setting off alarm bells in his mind. Hysterically diverted by the dark irony of his assumption, Veronica giggles, "Lilly didn't send me, Logan. She's dead. She couldn't ask me to check on you if she wanted to." The giggles transform into wracking sobs and her knees fail. She slumps in the doorway.

Logan, completely confused by the juxtaposition of the laughter and the tears on her face, leaps unsteadily from his stool to catch her as she falls. With superhuman speed, he makes it in time and they land in a tangled heap.

"Ronnie? Veronica! What happened? Are you OK? What do you mean she's dead? Veronica!" Logan asks in a panicked voice, and squeezes her tightly to his body, running his hand through her hair, trying to calm her enough to get answers. His heart is playing a drum solo in his chest, his mind racing through and discarding multiple scenarios that could make sense of the preposterous story he's just heard. "Dammit, Veronica! What happened to Lilly?" he asks again harshly.

Veronica's words are so hollow, so empty, Logan's not even sure they're audible.

"She's dead."

Logan continues to rock her and stroke her hair, not even registering the sting of the gashes on his back. He's too busy fighting the numbing cloud overtaking his mind. _No, no, no, nononono!_

"No!" It shoots out of his mouth like a bullet from a gun.

The word hits Veronica, and she recoils from the force of it.

Slowly, her eyes clear for possibly the first time since she saw her best friend lying on the ground covered in blood. She raises her head and looks at Logan. He can see the agony of her pain mixed with sympathy for him. She's begging him to understand, to believe her, so that she doesn't have to say it again.

"Veronica, I don't know what you're smoking, but Lilly is not dead. No. Fucking shit! NO!" His hands fly up, away from her, and he tears at his hair, refusing to accept what he's hearing.

Veronica is calm now; the need to hold Logan together has snapped her out of the hysteria that had overwhelmed her. The air around her is like Jello as her hands move sluggishly through it towards Logan's. She pulls them away from his head firmly and replaces them with her own. Now she's the one caressing his hair. She looks him straight in the eye.

"A call came over Dad's radio while we were driving home, saying that something was going on at the Kanes'," she whispers. Her voice sounds empty to her own ears. Dead, like Lilly. She has no more tears to cry, no more emotions to feel, except dead. Like Lilly. "I saw her Logan. I saw her myself."

"Nononononononono— " Their roles are reversed now as Veronica clutches Logan, rocking him as the entire known universe implodes around them. Logan begins to shake, sobbing incoherent words into the crook of her neck.

Lynn finds them like this moments later, hoping to save Veronica from having to tell Logan but arriving too late. She runs into the pool house, drops to her knees next to them and holds Veronica who is holding Logan, who is no longer holding on to his sanity.

* * *

Veronica's memories of the funeral are like snapshots taken by a small child, where only some unimportant detail of the scene has been captured, the big picture obscured.

Black suit, black dress, sunglasses.

Hard chairs. Silver casket.

Logan's memories are mostly lost in a barrel of Jack, with only flashes of scenery, smells, and sounds occasionally surfacing.

Incense. White roses and white mums and white daisies.

White, fragrant lilies. Overpowering. Nausea.

Her hand in his, side by side as the organ sings their lament.

The whole event is wrong and doesn't represent Lilly at all. It's all hymns and wreaths instead of champagne and glitter. They mourn her properly later that night, privately on the dark beach, and over several nights during the next few weeks. Neither is capable of coherent thought or understanding. They cry together and wail into the sound of the waves. They laugh over shared memories and tell each other new stories. Logan rents a limo one evening, and they sit in the back drinking champagne driving up and down the PCH watching the sunset. Both of them are acutely aware of the missing half of their foursome. They've reached out to Duncan, but he has escaped to Napa with his family to grieve in private.

Neither of them starts the discussion of what could have happened that night. Logan doesn't ask Veronica any questions, and she doesn't volunteer any details. Neither wants to think of Lilly as anything but the vibrant, vivacious girl that she was.

They return to school two weeks after the funeral. The guys, in the way of teenage boys, walk up and stare mutely at Logan, fist-bump in sympathy, and continue on with their lives. The girls hover around Veronica and chatter endlessly, asking invasive questions, trying to extract as much gossip as possible. Both Logan and Veronica react in the same way: complete shut down and escape.

The stress of it all builds with each passing day. Veronica's father's investigation is being stonewalled at every turn. Duncan returns and Logan does everything he can to support his best friend. Veronica is unwelcome there. The solace they found in each other is slowly crumbling under the weight of the gossip and isolation. At the beach one night, five weeks after Lilly's death, they finally hit the breaking point and scream at each other accusingly. If Logan hadn't kissed Yolanda, he would have been there and Lilly would be alive. If Veronica hadn't told Lilly about the kiss, he would have been there and Lilly would be alive. His fault. Her fault. They part, furious at each other but also feeling guilty for hurting the other.

In the end, it turns out that someone else has decided whose fault it really is.

Six weeks after the funeral, with the dirt barely settled over Lilly's grave, Sheriff Keith Mars goes on record, announcing that Jake Kane is a person of interest in the murder of his daughter Lilly.

The next day at school, Logan corners Veronica in the library. "What's the matter with you people?"


End file.
